Have you ever worked in an organization that could tolerate mistakes and limitations, and still ran pretty well? How about a job where despite everyone’s best efforts, it was ongoing chaos and distress? Most of us have experienced both at one time or another!
All systems have patterns they “prefer.” Without those patterns, systems become unhealthy for the participants, and unsustainable in the long run.
Bert Hellinger, the founder of Family Constellations, called these patterns “Orders of Love.” (If for any reason you don’t like “orders” – a very German word! – then “patterns” or “rhythms” work fine, too.) Hellinger observed families, in particular, and over time noticed that there were a few basic ways families, at an unconscious level, “liked” to be organized. When those didn’t get maintained somehow, there was dysfunction.
When we meet a family or other system that isn’t working well, we can use Hellinger’s categories (“orders”) to inquire into what is going on – how, specifically, is the distress being maintained? And, these orders can hold the key to healing.
Hellinger noticed a number of specific patterns. Some of them are:
- Honoring & Including “What Is”
- Respecting Belonging
- Respecting Seniority, Role & Contribution
- Respecting the Balance of Giving & Taking
- Addressing Wrongs (without Revenge)
Today, I am launching a teaching series on the Orders of Love. Today, I will dive into the first and most important one: Honoring & Including “What Is” – what one teacher called “Respect for Reality.”
I am doing this in support of my upcoming offerings: a weekend constellations workshop in Mt. Shasta, California, and my constellations training that starts in September. Both of them have significant early bird savings that are ending soon.
And, it will be yummy and useful for anyone who ever struggles with how to include the most difficult parts of their ancestral history.