Life comes from the Universe (God, creation, everywhere – however you like to say it!). But that life comes through our ancestors, to our parents, to us. It may not seem to matter much, but it turns out, it matters very much. Any parent can tell you that it matters that life flowed through them to their children, and not the other way around. It matters that parents understand their grave responsibilities in that regard, and that children aren’t obligated to give their parents life or relieve them of their fates.
Last week I introduced my video series on the Orders of Love. How we work out these issues around seniority is one of those Orders of Love. As a review, before I dive more into that, here is the intro I wrote for that series:
All systems have patterns they “prefer.” Without those patterns, systems become unhealthy for the participants, and unsustainable in the long run.
Bert Hellinger, the founder of Family Constellations, called these patterns “Orders of Love.” (If for any reason you don’t like “orders” – a very German word! – then “patterns” or “rhythms” work fine, too.) Hellinger observed families, in particular, and over time noticed that there were a few basic ways families, at an unconscious level, “liked” to be organized. When those didn’t get maintained somehow, there was dysfunction.
When we meet a family or other system that isn’t working well, we can use Hellinger’s categories (“orders”) to inquire into what is going on – how, specifically, is the distress being maintained? And, these orders can hold the key to healing.
Hellinger noticed a number of specific patterns. Some of them are:
- Honoring & Including “What Is”
- Respecting Belonging
- Respecting Seniority, Role & Contribution
- Respecting the Balance of Giving & Taking
- Addressing Wrongs (without Revenge)
Today, I am launching into the third order: Respecting Seniority, Role & Contribution. It leads us to ask, “Where does life come from, and does it matter?” It turns out this is a complicated enough issue, that I doing two videos on it, so enjoy the first half now. (If you missed the first two, you can still see my videos on Honoring & Including ‘What Is’ and Belonging.
If you enjoy these videos, please consider some upcoming offerings that will go much more deeply into this work: a weekend constellations workshop in Mt. Shasta, California, and my constellations training that starts in September (see both below).
And, it will be yummy and useful for anyone whomever struggles with how relationships within families.
We all grow when we share our stories. And, I am really supported when people who connect with my writing share it so that others can see it. If you have a response, to please share it on my blog, below. Thank you!