Why do we sometimes push away those things that we KNOW would be best for us? Sometimes we do this consciously. More often we do it unconsciously, frustrated at how our lives seem to be patterned in ways that keep us from what we most need and want.
I especially see this in constellations. There’s often a point where we’ve done very good work: so much hurt has been acknowledged and great love released, and it seems time for the client to receive something new and good. And still, the new good thing is still refused, still feels dangerous, still feels forbidden. This is intensely painful, because it feels like we are saying no to every thing we most want!
And yet, there are some very good reasons for our refusal. Our patterns, conscious and unconscious, have often helped get through terribly difficult experiences. They can also be part of our unconscious loyalty to our ancestors, who themselves suffered or violated others.
Moving forward can feel impossible. So, where do we start? First, we start with appreciating: We bring gentle care to ourselves and what frustrates us. Without this step, we are simply trying to force ourselves into something that part of us is certain is dangerous, which doesn’t tend to work. So, start with appreciating.
Then, we look for resources. What a resource is for each one of us, in each situation, varies a great deal. But when we find the right source of acknowledgement, inclusion, unexpected love or creative kindness, our patterns can begin to shift naturally, of their own accord. Then we move willingly and bravely toward what is most deeply good for us.
In a few weeks, I am offering an online workshop to do this work. There will be two available workshops which offer the same material. Both are convenient in the Americas, but one is timed to be more convenient for European participants, and the other for Western Pacific participants. Feel free to register for both if you want! A recording of the workshop will be sent to all registrants.
Join me to begin to find some relief from this difficult experience. For more details and to register, go to Healing Self-Sabotage.
How have you experienced self-sabotage, or found recovered your ability to move toward what you want? Please share on my blog, below.
Leave a Reply