Baltimore, And a Better Relationship with “Manifesting”

I want to take a risk, and talk about the connection between issues of national importance, and our own personal healing (which is what I usually write about here).

Something important is happening in our country. We can all see, it’s in the news. Right now, if a black person is killed by police in some town or city, there’s a good chance it’s going to become front page news. That growing consciousness is a good thing.

This country is trying to have a new conversation, led by some remarkable young black leaders who won’t allow the easy accusations from some elements of white culture–black leaders have to fix their own communities!–pass without debate and response.

Family constellations has a wonderful contribution to make to this conversation. All of us are affected by our ancestral traumas–they don’t die when the people involved die–and the resonances remain until something critical is seen, included, acknowledged.

This systemic understanding forces us to deepen our sometimes-simplistic embrace of the “Law of Attraction.” There’s no doubt of the wisdom inherent in the law–we attract what we place our attention on, absolutely. Both negatives and positives.

And, constellation work raises the question: what’s in charge of our attention? Even contemporary neuroscience confirms that attention is simply not as easy a thing to focus as we might imagine. All kinds of influences–cultural, biological, contextual–influence what we are able to focus on, see, comprehend, and really appreciate.

One approach to “manifesting” claims that there is infinite abundance and all we need to do is focus on that abundance to experience it–and specifically, have as much money as we want. Up to a point, I agree with this.

But every day, I work with clients in despair because, despite all their efforts, they aren’t manifesting what they truly, deeply want–and what is proper to their dignity. Many of them are caught in an impoverishment cycle, for instance, and the shame they feel at being unable to escape it is heart-breaking. And they are stuck. Period.

Work harder? Think better? Do more meditating on their desires? Well, sure. But it completely ignores the visible and invisible systems that surround and influence them. You might feel discouraged that our surroundings influence us so much, but in fact, as social creatures, our connection to each other through these visible and invisible ties are immensely important to us, and not easily discarded. In fact, in the realms of unconscious loving devotion to our families, it’s pretty much impossible to discard in any simple and conscious way.

So, what’s the better way? Rather than trying to discard, push away, or ignore our context, we include it, fully, allowing the grief if that’s necessary–and noticing this is where we are, this is where we belong, even in a world full of injustice.

When it comes to financial challenges, the place to start is noticing, with honesty, that we do not live in an economically fair system. There are people all around us who have more or less opportunities than we do, from the very beginning of their lives. This is true. It is part of our dignity to admit that this is where we live.

I imagine a symbolic representative for our economic system, with all its inequities, and I make the constellation move that isn’t about approving or liking or giving up or anything like that. I bow, and in this movement I say “I see you. You are here. You are part of my life.” And something relaxes–I don’t have to pretend it doesn’t matter in order for me to start moving toward what I want. I can be part of this, critical of this, and be who I am, too.

And then, we act for ourselves, for others, and–as Charles Eisenstein calls it–the more beautiful world we know is actually more proper to all of us.

“Manifesting” isn’t about overcoming the way things are. It’s about seeing things as they are, recognizing that your life–for good and for ill–is bound up in the world, as it is. It also notices the same thing about other people who don’t share our advantages or disadvantages. We can’t easily point the finger and say “You should make that better!”

Are you noticing the creative tension between “manifesting” and what is going on in our country right now? How is that showing up personally in your life? I’d love to hear from you! Please post your comments and questions here.