In my last newsletter, I began by writing: “I don’t believe in guaranteed miracle cures.” I still stand by that statement. And then, I get emails from clients like I got today. Omigod.
A client had asked me to help her family get ready for some upcoming weddings. Like so many of us, her family is blended, and with all it’s complex history, she was legitimately concerned about how they would go. As a side note – it is not uncommon for people to seek me out around weddings, reunions and funerals. It’s a time when our family patterns are on their heightened display, and at weddings in particular, we really, really want everything to go well for the couple. So, people often seek me out to help with family systemics as they approach these kinds of big family events.
We did our constellation (one on one, over the internet), focusing on all the specifics of her family. As usual, it was complex, challenging, and ultimately, lovely. Often, weddings – underneath the challenges – are a time when there is an opportunity in families to choose a different way, in service to the new commitment to life being played out in their midst. On the surface, it can look like together we are “doubling down” on old, unuseful patterns. But underneath, I often find a deep yearning to be in better service to each other, to be tender and kind, for love to be congruent and wholesome. And wonderfully, that’s what we found as her constellation unfolded.
When we were done, we both felt good. Then, we said good-bye. It was time for me to leave it to the dignity of my client and this family to find its own way. Usually, I don’t hear how things turn out, which is just fine – it’s mostly not my business anymore!
But sometimes, I do get word about how things unfold. And in this case, wow, amazing healing! Several members of the family (who of course were not present for the constellation itself) were practicing very different behaviors, clearly wanting to show and experience love in a new way. Everything was feeling different, and the sense of optimism about the upcoming wedding is palpable to everyone.
Constellations don’t always have these kinds of powerful, obvious, positive outcomes. I want to re-iterate that. Sometimes the effect is subtle, personal, and not particularly clear. But sometimes it is like this, and it reminds us that this is the way family systems want to be with each other – congruently loving, safe to be vulnerable, giving a good place to everyone, supporting the growth of all.
Constellation work makes this offer to families in a different and profound way, that sometimes has a tectonic effect. This Saturday, my Family Constellation Training starts for people who want to learn how to do this on behalf of others. There’s still time to join in!
And at the end of October, I am going to be leading a Constellations Workshop in Thailand for four days, making this invitation over and over again, in a beautiful place in a beautiful country. And good news! We are offering 50% off to a second person for every full registrant.
You may be thinking Thailand is simply impossible. But for some of you, I encourage you to look at your calendar, see if there is more space than you thought, and look at airline prices – they are surprisingly inexpensive to Thailand compared to other trips abroad like Europe, Japan or Australia. I am planning about a week of touring with my sister after the workshop, and I am so excited about the birds, jungles, food, temples, culture and elephants we are going to meet in Southeast Asia.
And, it’s a yoga retreat as well, so we are attending to body, mind and spirit in a holistic way. Maybe you know someone else that it is the right fit for? I’d be honored if you shared the information. Thank you!
Finally, for the last time this dry season, I am offering my Nature Constellations Workshop, outdoors, in the Berkeley Hills. It’s coming up on October 6th. Let nature help us see the ways that our family systems really want to be with each other…
How have you experienced your family longing for the more wholesome way of belonging to each other? Or, perhaps you have some wedding, reunion or funeral stories that revealed family patterns, for good or ill. Please share below on my blog!
Leave a Reply