When it comes to decisions, there are three things we really want:
1. To be decisive; that is, to consider the choices, and be strong and clear in our decision.
2. To make decisions in good time, so that we’re not spending too much time considering, or missing an opportunity because we couldn’t decide.
3. To make a decision that we don’t end up regretting.
We are all grown up enough to know that we can’t have all of these three things, completely, all of the time.
However, we also know that if we can improve these three things, it has a significant impact on our lives. When we spend too much time in confusion, or lose opportunities, or severely regret our decisions, there can be real consequences for ourselves and others.
And, most of us do get better at it. Indeed, decision-making is one of those things in life which, if we are paying attention, we can learn to do better and better if we’re willing to take a look at our past experiences.
I frequently work with clients who are trying to make really big decisions about themselves, their families, and their businesses. Sometimes they come to me with enormous regrets about past decisions–often ones that cost a lot of money and didn’t produce what they thought it would–and they are really afraid of repeating themselves.
How can we make better, more timely, and stronger decisions? I have two ways, and they both involve taking a look at the past.
Way #1: Notice when you are trying to decide from scarcity. I remember when I was in college, I somehow ended up at a free seminar for a speed reading class. The leader was a terrific salesman (I realize in hindsight). He really sold the usefulness of speed reading, and how invaluable it would be to all of us if we paid the $350 (in 1982, a lot of money for a college student) for the course.
I left absolutely certain I had to take this course, and I somehow convinced my father to give me the money. You know how it ends – the course was terrible, I regretted it, and I was ashamed I’d asked for that money.
In hindsight, I realize the salesman managed to get hold of the button in my brain labelled “scarcity” and somehow pushed it hard. When he was done, I felt I simply wouldn’t be okay without this course. When we start to make decisions out of scarcity, they are rarely decisions that we can trust.
I know now when I am responding to an opportunity with my scarcity button going. 😉 And I know, no matter how good the opportunity appears, it’s not time to make the decision until that feeling goes away and it’s replaced by a better, stronger feeling that the decision is a good one. If that doesn’t appear, I let the opportunity go.
What does it feel like to you when your scarcity button is pushed? Remember some past decisions that you regretted, and take a little time to get yourself really familiar with it, so you can notice it next time it arises (and it does arise, for most of us, again and again). You’ll get better and better at observing the feeling and allowing it to pass.
#2: Notice when you are trying to decide while not aligned with yourself. I’ve been taught how to do “sales calls,” and for a long time, I hated doing them and I wasn’t very good at it. I was taught to make people feel urgent, needy, and dependent on me, and I was just no good at it.
After a while, I started to do sales calls using the best of what I’d been taught, but I left all that other stuff out, and not only did I start having better results, I started to enjoy myself, too.
From having tried lots of things that aren’t in alignment, based on the good advice of others, I now can tell quickly, by a very special feeling, when I’m out of alignment with myself, my values, and what I most care about. And I can shift gears really quickly. I can even anticipate something that won’t feel right, and I avoid making that choice.
Think of a time when you realized you were doing something that wasn’t in alignment. What is that special feeling like for you? Yes, it’s what people often call intuition or that “gut feeling,” but I find it’s better to really get to know this feeling well so we can tell the difference between that and a fear that might be keeping us from doing something great.
It’s also even better if, after having the feeling, we can spend a little time looking at the situation and getting clarity about what, specifically, was “off,” so that we’re not just basing decisions on our feelings, but also on a deeper noticing of what’s going on around us.
All of this growth around decision-making is supported by ongoing healing, learning and increased self-rapport (see last week’s blog article). Because if we don’t really trust ourselves, we’ll have a devil of a time trusting the patterns in our feelings.
This kind of deep listening to ourselves is a big part of what I do with my business clients. Because if we can’t trust our strong and timely decision-making, it’s really hard to be self-employed.
Would you like to trust yourself to make good, strong, timely decisions? I invite you to reach out to contact me about any of my programs and services (business or non-business), and let’s talk.
And if you’re self-employed (or want to be), and suspecting that maybe you need some help with decision-making to move forward, please check out my business growth programs. Then, contact me to find out more.
What is your experience around decision-making? Please share your thoughts and comments below.
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