New Life for Protecting Children…

I want to do this in a way that empowers us.

And yes, I am going to talk about the separation of parents from children. So, fair warning – I know we’ve all been barraged with this awful story, and we’re feeling raw. None of us needs a polyanna response that asserts everything will be okay. Or, merely ignore it. We need to open our heart and allow some pain (which is what y’all have been doing, I know).

And, we need to be empowered forward in life, and in community.

As Family Constellations always does, I am going to start with the history. We are in a “fractal,” a looping pattern of meaning, action and consequences that didn’t start a few months ago, and of which we are all a part.

Before the separation of parents from children at the border, there was:

• Native American children taken from their parents and sent to residential schools, to interrupt the inheritance of culture in the most effective way possible.
• African children sold down-river, to destroy family ties, to encourage submission, and to maximize profit.
• Jewish children grabbed from their parents so that the groups could be more efficiently murdered.
• Children around the world stolen, coerced or manipulated into fighting our wars.
• Girls and boys sold by impoverished parents, hoping that the children will have some hope for a better future, when instead they’ve been delivered into sexual slavery.

The bond between parent and child is incredibly powerful. Whatever your form of child rearing (communal, nuclear family, etc.), scientists have proven the role of oxytocin and other hormones in bonding both mother and father to a child for the sake of the child’s welfare. It is the source of the agony that most mammal parents feel and demonstrate when that parenting period is interrupted.

Notice how your body feels as you watch a few happy videos showing animal parent/child reunions:  

Yay, oxytocin and parenting instincts! Which is why so many of us are feeling such pain even thinking about what is going on at our borders. We feel the tearing in our own bodies, sympathetically.

And yet, for many thousands of years, we’ve used this form of inhumanity to exert dominance over others (and animals, too!). It’s very, very effective. It’s utterly terrifying and (in the case of people) de-humanizing.

There’s a pretty good chance that your ancestors experienced this form of suffering, imposed it on others, or both. We are all part of this repeating fractal of human experience.

And, there is a reaction which nonetheless gives me great hope: A profound response, from people of many different political persuasions, asserting the humanity of our southern immigrants, and insisting on respect, protection, kindness and decency – even in the face of legitimate policy differences.

Take a moment, and bring to your heart your ancestors who suffered in this way and/or caused others to suffer in this way. Notice your place in this history. There is a kinship across all humans that resonates with the pain of the loss of children. See the ancestors of the ones perpetuating this policy and who are (reluctantly or enthusiastically) carrying it out. They, too, experienced and/or perpetuated this pain.

When we remember and include our ancestors and their ancestors, they respond by giving us more of the life we need. Then, we can resist with a renewed spirit the de-humanization of others in the present.

What do you connect with when you are hearing such stories of suffering? Please share on my blog below, so the conversation can continue…