No Need to Fake Authority…

If you’ve ever been in a business growth program before, you’ve eventually heard about how important it is to “position” yourself: to explain to people why they should come to you and not to someone else for the service they are looking for.

But this isn’t just limited to people in business, not by any means. Think of a newly trained teacher trying to take charge of a classroom. A young doctor trying to assure a panicked patient. A freshly trained cop out on the beat.

The context I first really experienced this was when I was ordained. I was young, and I didn’t know much of anything despite my training, I had little experience, and yet I was in charge of a church: the sick, the dying, the getting wedded, the ones needing counseling, the newborns. All turning to me for something I had no idea how to give.

I will never forget my first “pastoral counseling” session. A young man came in and confessed he was having an affair and he didn’t want to tell his wife (this in a very conservative community). I almost turned around to see if he was talking to someone else. Surely he wasn’t asking me for help, advice, assurance? I had no idea what to say to him.

When coaches talk about “positioning,” it can often feel like a contrived activity, coming up for reasons for why people should buy from you even though you are somewhat new to your field and just starting in business. Unless you are really naturally super confident, it may feel like you are being told to fake something.

We must never fake our authority. It has to come from our deepest sense of ourselves, whether we are new or been at it a long time. The students, the patients, the people on the street, my parishioners: they all need someone to be there in that role. They need to be able to trust that, without any faking.

Authority comes from a number of sources: age, experience, training, certifications and degrees, the good opinion of others. All of these count. Some of us have more than others. It’s appropriate that our “position” varies a bit depending upon these different resources and contexts.

Here’s a story about not faking it. I had a client who couldn’t settle on her niche: she was torn between niche x and niche y. She felt bad about it, and worried about not being able to figure out what to say when someone asked her “what do you do?” I said, “What if you say to them ‘Y’know, it’s been challenging. I am thinking of x and y. What do you think?'”

She said to me with incredulous joy “I can say that?” I said of course; just tell the truth, with authority. There’s nothing to be ashamed of to be thoughtfully engaged in the process of figuring out your focus; she might just get the input that she’s been waiting for, or maybe a good referral source (or friend!) down the road.

It’s not about “positioning,” not really. It’s about being yourself in a way that is authentic and gives people a really good reason to work with you. Nothing more, nothing less.

The good news? What you are is exactly what they are looking for.

Are you struggling with authentically expressing your authority in your work or life? If you need help with this, I invite you to consider joining my next four month program.

And if you are struggling with the pain of not being able to get into action you know would get you where you want to go, I am curious about your experience. I’d love to hear from you! Please post your comments and questions here.