I just got off the phone with a prospective client. At one point I said to her, “So, what you really want is to become a healer who honors her ancestors in her work, a happy mother and wife, and a person who just enjoys life deeply, is that right?” She sighed deeply: “Yes, that’s what I really want.” And then I felt moved to say, “Because that’s who you really are, right?” And again she sighed, and simply said “Yeah.”
The more I work with clients, the more convinced I become that I am helping people to become more of who they are. Whatever else they say, they are asking to become who they really are: people of dignity, destined for joy, of service to others, with meaningful purposeful work, in alignment with the world…These might not be your words, but I invite you to take a moment to ask: “What is my birthright, the identity that is truest about me?”
When we seek healing or change, at some point we begin to realize we are experiencing a shift in our identity, our sense of who we are and what is possible about the world. When that happens, things can start to feel up for grabs, terribly unstable, even–sometimes–downright frightening. Our old identity, as limited as it was, was comfortable, and clearly survivable (since we are still here today!). The new, truer identity might not be survivable, and it’s rarely comfortable as it begins to appear.
Over the last few years, I have been going through a massive identity change, as I transitioned from being employed to self-employed. As I discovered, being self-employed is quite a different identity than being “other” employed. I sought the change because I was pretty sure it was my truer self, but dang it was uncomfortable and at times spectacularly frightening.
Now I am at ease, since I am on the other side of the change. But, through the process, we often need support and some direction about how to both keep the change happening, and feel okay as it manifests. That support needs to be both practical (how do I open a business checking account?), and transformational (what are my internal blocks to asking clients to pay me?). I sure needed that help.
You see, we need the self-image that will support the experience of life we want. So, changes that are big like mine are called “Identity Level Changes.” Most of the big change we want–like becoming financially secure, ending depression, finding a relationship after a long period of loneliness–involve this kind of identity transformation.
We all need support to make those identity-level changes that represent our deepest heart’s desire to live in joy, health, and purpose. If you are finding some much-wanted changes really difficult to make happen, perhaps your spirit knows that you’re dealing with something that is going to lead to some bigger, identity changes, too, and your spirit is a bit spooked.
Later this fall, I am going to offer a three month long transformational group process for people who want that kind of identity-level change. It’s going to be an intensive experience for a small group of people, so if you are interested, let me know. I will be sending out more details soon.
And if you are a coach or healer running into those kinds of identity level changes as you try to figure out how to have a successful practice, I have a specific invitation here–please check it out!
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