As most of you know, I’ve spent much of the last year planning a major conference. And last week, it happened!
225 people from around the world gathered in San Diego to explore systemic constellations work together. That’s my co-director James Woeber and myself, welcoming the crowd on our first day.
I have a few key learnings I want to share with all of you, some universal, some very personal…
- Hidden but Life-Giving Journeys: Francesca Mason Boring took us through an exercise, inviting all of us to stand in groups – the first group, first generation immigrants; the next group, second generation immigrants; etc. Eventually she had us all standing, including those who’s ancestors were kidnapped and brought here, and those who came here tens of thousands of years ago. When we were all standing, she asked us all to acknowledge the journey our ancestors took here. I found tears streaming down my face: I could feel those journeys, all of them, including those of my own ancestors. I felt for the first time we were really acknowledging them, and finding our roots — we “Americans,” so rootless and disconnected from our ancient lands. Francesca helped us to feel our connection to those roots–as strong and valid as any other. We are not “white” or “black” (racist governmental constructions), but Irish, Kenyan, Norwegian…and maybe Irish-Kenyan-Norwegian. We have a people and a past. All of us.
- Choosing to Move Forward: Dan Booth Cohen reminded us, though, that many of those journeys took place at the expense of others–to “move forward,” in these instances, was to violate others. He invited us to consider how much this keeps us from moving forward: the fear of violating others. I found that acknowledging the journeys of our ancestors–whether “good” or “bad”–begins to give me room to move forward anyway, even as I don’t know for sure the affect that will have on others (even as I commit to doing so with good ethics and conscience). Moving forward means, as Ingala Robl told us in her keynote, committing to the “business of life.”
- Claiming Your Path, with its Hardships: We learned from Dr. Ed Tick, who serves veterans, wounded warriors. I joined his retreat for warriors, which was a rich three hours of ritual and sharing. At the end, each veteran was asked to stand, claim that they chose their warrior path, accept its hardships, and commit to a transformed version of the path in service to humanity. I kept feeling as if there was deep wisdom in this for all of us, the idealistic ones, who make big commitments, become disillusioned, and can’t find our way back. Can we claim the dignity of our paths, and find healing and new life?
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The Gift of Safety, and Then Sharing It: I think I’ve mentioned in this forum that I was gifted with the co-directorship of James Woeber, with whom I shared a difficult but rewarding path for the last year to this conference. We were pretty sure that we were creating a good professional conference, but we had no idea how viral our experience of rapport and safety with other would be for the conference itself. Starting with us and our mutual commitment, spreading to our Steering Committee, and from them to the rest of the conference, we heard over and over how reconciling and healing this event was. People who we’d gotten used to hearing “glass half empty” stories from were authentically energized and grateful. People who’d felt left out and ignored felt included and present. And from there, there’s been a huge explosion of activity, partnerships, projects, and more we can’t track.
Oh, and so much more! The beauty of San Diego in November, the joy of singing together with a group of over 200, the pleasure of dancing, teaching, listening, playing in the Field together. I feel blessed. Please, when you get an offer to take on something big or new or strange, if it feels right enough, embrace it….
Do these learnings resonate with you in any way? Please share your thoughts here…
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