I often have clients desperate for help to stop “self-sabotaging” themselves. I often sigh. It’s sad to me when a client starts out healing work with an implicit accusation at themselves. But it’s common.
There are certain situations that incline people to accuse themselves of self-sabotage. Some of them might be:
- Procrastination
- Not finishing projects
- Awkward conversations at networking events
- Chronic disorganization and lack of planning
- Getting started well and then losing inspiration
See? I’m sabotaging myself! I guess it’s better than calling ourselves idiots or losers, but it’s only a little better, I think.
What if there is wisdom in this “stopping” behavior? What if your inner guidance system is like a mother, holding back the hand of her child when it reaches for the fire? Would you see that as sabotage? Or an attempt to love and guide the child safety, while it’s still learning?
Nonetheless, it’s important to acknowledge that this stopping behavior is frustrating our forward movement. It can’t be endlessly indulged if we intend to succeed in realizing our life’s hopes and dreams.
And some of us, we have to admit, feel like it has, indeed, been going on too long, which is really, really painful. This has concrete impacts on our ability to have a safe, secure and happy life.
This is especially true if you’re trying to establish a business, because this requires a consistent and successful capacity to take action steps so that a new creation can live and thrive.
But the first step is to notice if there is anything of wisdom in the stopping. In my experience, there are two sources for this stopping:
1. Old safety and family patterning that has outdated criteria for what is safe and what helps us belong. If this is the case, the stopping is trying to keep us well and happy. Healing this kind of stopping pattern involves, in part, noticing the way these patterns took such good care of us a long time ago, even though they are outdated now.
2. Our deep values and sense of integrity which has noticed, before our conscious minds have, that we are fundamentally out of alignment with the actions we’re attempting to take. Healing requires noticing that we are trying to make ourselves do things that violate our integrity, like marketing copy that feels slimy, or a networking event that doesn’t feel like we’re really getting to connect.
Both of these stopping patterns require some practice to notice and adjust. Most of us need help in learning how to see when something like this is happening, and figuring out the right approach (see last week’s article, If You’ve Got the Wrong Problem, You’ll Get the Wrong Answer).
Do you struggle with “self-sabotage”? Does it help to think of it as inner wisdom, trying to be seen? Please post your comments and questions below.
Next month, I am offering a Business Growth Series for Alternative Practitioners and Coaches who want to resolve obstacles to being successful. Part of that work is getting better and better at instinctively addressing those problems as they arise, so that security, confidence and joy in business becomes the norm. Sound interesting? For more information, please contact me.
A really lovely and clear take on this insidious way we get hard on ourselves. I’ll be sharing this! Thanks, Leslie!